나는 나만 매일 이런 생각을 하는 줄 알았다. 내일이라도 땡전 한 푼 없이 당장 거리로 나앉게 될지 모른다는 막연하면서도 구체적인 공포! 생각해보면 우리 엄마는 확실히 그랬다. 나도 예외가 아니다. 그런데 이런 현상이 부유하건 가난하건 그와 무관하게 여자들 일반에 널리 퍼져 있는 공포라고 한다. 일명 bag-lady syndrome이라는데, 왜 여자들만 이런 공포에 시달린다는 걸까.
Do you suffer bag-lady syndrome?
Many women harbor a fear that their financial security could disappear in a heartbeat. It might not be entirely irrational, but it can be conquered.
By Bankrate.com
You would never confuse Emily Scott Pottruck with a bag lady. On the surface, she has it all: independent wealth, a mansion in San Francisco's Presidio Heights, fancy cars, an M.B.A. from Cornell, years of experience on Wall Street and a successful husband, David, the former CEO of San Francisco's Charles Schwab Corp.
But inside, Pottruck suffers from "bag-lady syndrome," a fear many women share that their financial security could disappear in a heartbeat, leaving them homeless, penniless and destitute
"I wouldn't say I thought I would be homeless," Pottruck says. "What I was concerned about was that I wouldn't be able to pay for things like health care, or have any kind of discretionary income, or that I would be really old and have to continue working at a high pace and there would never be a moment that I could relax."
Bag-lady syndrome plagues, puzzles and, in more extreme cases, paralyzes women who want to get a better grip on their financial lives, according to Olivia Mellan, the author of “The Advisor's Guide to Money Psychology” and a Washington, D.C., therapist who specializes in money psychology. Lily Tomlin, Gloria Steinem, Shirley MacLaine and Katie Couric all admit to having a bag lady in their anxiety closet.
"It cuts across women of all social groups; it's not like wealthy women don't have it," says Mellan. "Heiresses, women who have inherited wealth, have big bag-lady nightmares because they really feel like the money came to them magically and can leave them just as magically."
Fears of insecurity
Women tend to be unprepared and overwhelmed when widowhood or divorce suddenly plops their financial security in their hands. If they've long feared they will wind up a bag lady, these transitions can feel like the nightmare is about to play out in real life. As a result, they tend to avoid money, horde money or invest too conservatively to make the money they'll need later in life.
Women with bag-lady syndrome “tend to fall into two camps: the deer in the headlights or the ostrich," says Kathy Boyle, CFP, president of New York-based Chapin Hill Advisors. "They either freeze and can't make a decision at all, or they just put their head in the sand and hope everything just works out."
Mellan agrees, "One of the ways that it impacts women's lives is it makes them afraid to take risks with their money. That's why a lot of women have lots of money sitting in a checking or savings account doing nothing. They're afraid they might need it if they end up on the street."
What are the causes of these bag-lady nightmares? Why do women get them and not men? How do they disrupt your life? And can you overcome them? Roll your shopping cart this way, and let's find out.
Bag-lady syndrome
Despite its clinical-sounding nickname, bag-lady syndrome is not a true psychological condition at all, according to Donald Black, M.D. and professor of psychiatry at the University of Iowa.
"I have seen a number of patients over the years with this fear, but they tend to have psychotic depression; they've become so depressed that they've developed delusions about having lost their belongings or having no money. You treat them and it goes away," he says.
Black sees nothing remotely odd about bag-lady nightmares.
"I think anyone who has any money at all sometimes thinks, 'Oh gee, what if I lost all my money or became disabled or lost everything I had, then where would I be?' I think that is part of the human condition to have those thoughts now and then. I don't consider that unusual or distinctive in any way."
It may not be medical, but Mellan says bag-lady syndrome is more commonplace than we like to admit.
"I do think it is quite widespread. I speak to women's groups, and when I bring it up, they all nod their heads. Women are in denial about it, but when you name it and you make them feel like they're not alone, then very few women remain in denial about it."
Socialized as spenders
The causes of bag-lady syndrome are numerous and pervasive, a mix of socialization, social mores and peer group dynamics.
Women typically depend on the males in their life (father, then husband) to perform the earning and saving roles, while they typically manage the household and raise the kids, largely a spending role. Women are often left out of big-picture financial planning and investing and typically don't have friends who work in these fields to advise them. And it's hardly news that women on average don't earn as much or advance as far in their careers compared to their male counterparts.
But it's the disparity in their life expectancies that particularly troubles Pottruck: "David is eight years older than I am and I'm supposed to live seven years longer anyway, so now I'm looking at being alone, by myself, taking care of myself, for 15 years at least. How am I going to pay for that?"
Boyle says worries about actually becoming a homeless vagrant may be irrational, but the fears that underlie them are not.
"Women are raised to be competitive, to look a certain way, to dress a certain way, in order to marry Prince Charming, and the prince is going to be our savior. For the parents of baby boomers, that was absolutely true; marrying was your security. That is why these women, who were married for 27 years in these nice wealthy suburbs, when they get divorced, they actually do have a real reason to fear they might be eating cat food by the time they're 80-something," says Boyle.
Behaviors aside, the statistics alone would also seem to fuel bag-lady fears.
"Being single costs 80% that of a couple, and women are seven times more likely to be single and live six years longer," says Boyle. "Given a 50% divorce rate and that the average age of widowhood is 56, there's probably good reason to be concerned."
Mellan says bag-lady syndrome can actually become debilitating.
"For some women, it's very gripping and makes them very depressed when they try to look at their money. It makes them into money-avoiders because they have so much anxiety about this that they don't even want to look at it, they're afraid the worst might come true."
So is there a male version, a bag-man syndrome, festering in the heartland?
"No, men don't have bowery bum fears," says Mellan. "They have fears that are more rational and related to their provider burden: being injured, dying young, being laid off, things like that. Whereas bag-lady syndrome is more global, a magical, nameless thing like free-floating anxiety."
Action is the cure
As Paul Simon once wrote, "Breakdowns come and breakdowns go. What are you going to do about it? That's what I'd like to know."
So what are you going to do about those cardboard-and-curbstone nightmares?
Mellan treats her clients to a tall glass of reality.
"I have women flesh out their worst fears and then brainstorm what they will do if the worst happens," she says. "If you can walk them through their fears, they can sometimes sort out the part that doesn't make any sense. It helps a lot."
Boyle finds that her newly widowed or divorced clients sometimes require more than financial advice.
"We actually encourage our women to seek a career coach or life coach and look at occupations that they can do, because many of them feel they don't have skill sets," she says.
Both agree that the more women can learn about finances and feel comfortable controlling their money, the fewer nightmares they'll have.
"Women who are more empowered around money probably don't have bag-lady nightmares," says Mellan. "Why would they? They would know that it's not a realistic fear."
Emily Pottruck chose to listen to her inner bag lady instead. She earned and brought into her marriage a seven-figure rainy-day account and has kept it separate, hers alone to manage, however conservatively.
"My investment advisers would love to see me much more invested than I am, but I also have to incorporate my comfort level," she says. "I really believe that a lot of this fear is very smart. I feel that a lot of smart people are fearful for the right reasons."
To allay her fears, she has thrown herself into philanthropy by writing the forthcoming “Tails of Devotion: A Look at the Bond Between People and Their Pets," a compilation of stories from fellow animal lovers with an introduction by Amy Tan. The entire proceeds from sales of the book benefit five Bay Area animal charities.
"I'm really lucky. I think that is why people look at me and laugh about (my fear of) being a bag lady," she says. "Isn't it interesting that here I am in this exalted position and still feeling this way? So my giving back and doing volunteer work is really my medicine for bag-lady syndrome."
By Jay MacDonald, Bankrate.com