Ch.7: Finding out who you really are

Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind.

자기 자신을 아는 것은 이런 저런 자신을 알기 위한 이야기를 듣거나 해석을 찾아보는 것과는 다르다. 이런 저런 생각에 빠져 나는 어떤 사람이라고 확정하는 것이 나를 아는 것이 아니란 얘기다.

MBTI부터 혈액형, 별자리, 전생 등등 우리가 누구이고, 어디서 왔고, 지금 어디쯤인지 설명하는 것들은 너무 많지만 정작 우리가 누구인지 정확히 알고 있는 사람은 얼마나 될까. 과연 그렇게 안다는 것이 가능하긴 한 걸까? 그렇게 알게 된 나는 평생 변하지 않는 뭔가를 안에 꽁꽁 싸매고 있는 걸까? 수시 때때로 불거져 나오는 나 같지 않은 특성이나, 아니면 파국으로 치닫는 일관된 성향은 어디서 오는 걸까? 

나는 도대체 왜 그럴까?

Your sense of who you are determines what you perceive as your needs and what matters to you in life - and whatever matters to you will have the power to upset and disturb you.

What are the things that upset and disturb me?

나는 어떤 일에 분개하는가?

How you react to people and situations, especially when challenges arise, is the best indicator of how deeply you know yourself.

누구가의 말이 아니라 누군가의 행동이 그 사람을 말해준다.

Their “faults” or what you perceive as their faults become to you their identity. This means you will see only the ego in them and thus strengthen the ego in yourself. Instead of looking “through” the ego in others, you are looking “at” the ego. Who is looking at the ego? The ego in you.

누군가의 잘못이라고 여겨지는 일을 내내 투덜대다가 결국 신경질이 되고, 화가 되고, 언성을 높였다. 결국 내가 하고 싶었던 말은 누군가의 잘못이 아니라 말하는 대상에게 하고 싶은 말이었다. “네가 망친거야.” 그 말을 제대로 하지 못하고 애꿎은 주변인들을 끌어들였던 거다. 그 아래에는 그 말이 있었다. “나도 어떻게 해야할지 모르겠어.” 내가 알면 너를 쪼았겠니? Blaming으로 얻을 수 있는 건 아무 것도 없는데. 답답한 상황을 벗어나기 위한 최선의 방법은 과연 뭘까?

You are not the ego, so when you become aware of the ego in you, it does not mean you know who you are - it means you know who you are not. But it is through knowing who you are not that the greatest obstacle to truly knowing yourself is removed.

이건 약간 말장난처럼 느껴진다. 내가 뭐가 아닌지 아는 게 진짜 나를 아는 데 엄청 중요하다는 건데. 그럼 에고는 뭐냐? 그냥 내 안의 악마? Inner child? What is the core of myself? 대체 내 안에 코어가 있기는 한거냐? 수시 때때로 화에 휩쓸리는 나는 그럼 뭐냐?

You may be so fascinated with yourself that you spend years in psychoanalysis, delve into every aspect of your childhood, uncover secret fears and desires, and find layers upon layers of complexity in the makeup of your personality and character. There is nothing wrong with psychoanalysis or finding out about your past as long as you don’t confuse knowing about yourself with knowing yourself.

나에 대해서 아는 것과 나를 아는 것은 다르다.

It is content, not essence. Going beyond ego is stepping out of content. Knowing yourself is being yourself, and being yourself is ceasing to identify with content.

사람들은 자신을 알기 위해서 갖은 설명을 동원하지만 에고로부터 벗어나는 건 그런 identification에 갇히지 않고 존재하는 것이다. 내가 가지고 있는 것처럼 보이는 것들, 내 삶에 채워진 것들이 아니라. 

You cannot understand it through thought, but you can sense it when you let go fo thought, become still and alert, and don’t try to understand or explain. Only then can you be aware of the sacredness of the forest. As soon as you sense that hidden harmony, that sacredness, you realize you are not separate from it, and when you realize that, you become a conscious participant in it. In this way, nature can help you become realigned with the wholeness of life. 

생각하고, 해석하고, 분석하고, 이유를 달고, 언어로 규명하려고 하면 할수록 본질과 멀어지는 경험. 썩은 나뭇잎 사이로 파란 싹이 돋아나고, 죽은 듯 보이는 나뭇가지에서 다시 새순이 돋는 것을 바라보는 건 우리가 온전히 존재하고 감각하는 동물이라는 것을 일깨워준다. 지금 당장 모니터를 박차고 가을 햇살을 만끽해야 하는데. 나는 또다시 활자 속에서 치유과 게으른 혜안을 얻기 위해 뒤적이는구나. 그래도 머리끝까지 차올랐던 화가 활자 사이를 이리저리 헤치고 나니 조금은 가라앉는 듯. 언제 다시 덮칠지는 모르지만.

Thinking isolates a situation or event and calls it good or bad, as if it had a separate existence. Through excessive reliance on thinking, reality becomes fragmented. This fragmentation is an illusion, but it seems very real while you are trapped in it. And yet the universe is an indivisible whole in which all things are interconnected, in which nothing exists in isolation.

이걸 생각으로 깨우치는 건 정녕 불가능할까? 지금 내가 하고 있는 건 생각이 아니고 뭔가? 한 발자국만 물러서면 보이는 것들, 그것은 생각을 통해 알게 되는 것이 아닌가?

I don’t mind what happens.

It mean not to label it mentally as good or bad, but to let it be.

어떤 일이 일어나더라도 상관없는 경지. 죽음까지도.

The decision to make the present moment into your friend is the end of the ego. The ego can never be in alignment with the present moment, which is to say, aligned with life, since its very nature compels it to ignore, resist, or devalue the Now. Time is what the ego lives on. Almost every thought you think is then concerned with past or future, and your sense of self depends on the past for your identity and on the future for its fulfilment. Fear, anxiety, expectation, regret, guilt, anger are the dysfunctions of the time-bound state of consciousness.

끊임없는 생각들의 종적은 과거에 일어난 일을 후회하거나 앞으로 일어날 일에 대한 두려움이 대부분이다. 지금 현재에 머물기란 얼마나 어려운가.

You aren’t ever fully here because you are always busy trying to get elsewhere.

끊임없이 어딘가를 꿈꾸며.

What is my relationship with the present moment?

나는 현재와 어떤 관계를 맺고 있나?

= What it my relationship with Life?

그게 결국 삶과 맺고 있는 관계.

어느 순간 폭주하며 파국으로 치닫는 습관은 내가 현재에 머물지 못하고 과거와 미래에 대한 불안에 휩싸였을 때 닥치는 결과일까. Is that so? Maybe. 이런 말들로 지금 현재 일어나고 있는 일들을 흘려보내지 못해서 일까?

You cannot make the egoless state into a future goal and then work toward it. All you get is more dissatisfaction, more inner conflict, because it will always seem that you have not arrived yet, have not “attained” that state yet. When freedom from ego is your goal for the future, you give yourself more time, and more time means more ego.

그래서 오늘부터 우리는 에고없는 상태를 목표 삼아 부지런히 노력할거야, 라고 다짐할 순 없다. 달성해야 하는 목표는 시간을 필요로 하고, 노력은 늘 부족하기 마련이다. 

Look carefully to find out if your spiritual search is a disguised form of ego. Even trying to get to get rid of your “self” can be a disguised search for more if the getting rid of your “self” is made into a future goal.

이런 통찰 넘 좋다. 깨달음을 향한 집착으로 깨달음을 얻을 수는 없는 법. 오늘부터 에로고부터 자유, 이런 목표를 통해 이룰 수 있는 건 없다. 

Time is the horizontal dimension of life, the surface layer of reality. Then there is the vertical dimension of depth, accessible to you only through the portal of the present moment.

그래서 시간을 잊을 때만이 우리가 온전히 현재에 머물 수 있는 순간일까. 00하기 위한 1만 시간의 법칙에 따라 아무리 노력해도 우리가 만족할 수 없는 이유. 아무리 그런 책을 읽어도 행복하지 못하는 이유. 

As long as the ego runs your life, there are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other.

헉. 뭐냐. 이 비극적 시나리오는.

그렇다면 시간 또는 에고로부터 자유로워지는 방법은?

Say yes?

The dreamer is consciousness itself - who you are.

To awaken within the dream is our purpose now. When we are awake within the dream, the ego-created earth-drama comes to an end and a more benign and wondrous dream arises. This is the new earth.

A powerful spiritual practice is consciously to allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it.

이런 게 수련이 될 수 있구나. 모욕을 참아내는 거?

The essence of space is no-thingness, so ti doesn’t “exist” in the normal sense of the word. Only things - forms - exist. Even calling it space can be misleading because by naming it, you make it into an object.

이름 붙이고, 규정하고, 정의내리고, 그러면서 멀어지는 감각들.

When you are aware of space, you are not really aware of anything, except awareness itself - the inner space of consciousness. Through you, the universe is becoming aware of itself!

우주는 아는 것이 아니라 자신 안의 우주를 알아채는 것이다. 

When you contemplate the unfathomable depth of space or listen to the silence in the early hours just before sunrise, something within you resonates with it as if in recognition. You then sense the vast depth of space as you own depth, and you know that precious stillness that has no form to be more deeply who you are than any of the things that make up the content of your life.

매순간 자연을 만나야 하는 이유. 이 장이 이 책의 백미인 것 같다.

Ch.6: Breaking Free

The energy that was trapped in the pain-body then changes into vibrational frequency and is transmuted into Presence. In this way, the pain-body becomes fuel for consciousness. This is why many of the wisest, most enlightened men and women on our planet once had a heavy pain-body.

고통이 크면 깨달음의 기쁨도 크고나.

Some people are most clearly aware of it when they first meet someone, even before any words are exchanged. A little later, however, words take over the relationship and with words come the roles that most people play. Attention then moves to the realm of mind, and the ability to sense the other person’s energy field becomes greatly diminished. Nevertheless, it is still felt on an unconscious level.

말이 앞서기 전에 온전히 감각하는 것이 중요한 이유.

Suppressed pain-bodies are extremely toxic, even more so than openly active ones, and that psychic toxicity is absorbed by the children and contributes to the development of their own pain-body.

아이들 앞에서 싸우지 말자고 다짐해도, 억눌린 부정적인 기운마저 숨길 수 없다. 아이들은 그런 걸 포착하는 데 어른보다 더 감각적이다. 

Someone with a heavy pain-body easily finds reasons for being upset, angry, hurt, sad, or fearful. Relatively insignificant things that someone else would shrug off with a smile or not even notice become the apparent cause of intense unhappiness. They are, of course, not the true cause but only act as a trigger. They bring back to life the old accumulated emotion. The emotion then moves into the head and amplifies and energizes the egoic mind structures.

인생의 어두운 터널을 통과하고 있을 때, 누군가 그렇게 말했던 적이 있다. 늘 화낼 준비가 되어 있는 것 같다고. 나는 늘 화낼 준비가 되어 있는 아니, 늘 화가 나 있는 사람을 알고 있었고, 그로부터 도망치고 싶었으나 나 또한 그 pain-body에 묶여있었던 건 아니었을까 생각이 든다. 

The more negative emotion there is in a story, the heavier and more impenetrable it becomes. When you are completely trapped in the movement of thought and the accompanying emotion, stepping outside is not possible because you don’t even know that there is an outside. You are trapped in your own movie or dream, trapped in your own hell. To you it is reality and no other reality is possible. And as far as you are concerned, your reaction is the only possible reaction.

끊임없이 자기 피해 스토리를 쓰는 사람에게 아무리 이성적으로 설명을 해도 공통된 상황 이해를 얻기 어려운 이유이기도 하다. 같은 공간에서 숨쉬는 것만으로도 숨이 막힐 것 같은 느낌. 대화를 통해 꽉 막힌 벽을 부순다는 건 더더군다나. 평생 피해자 코스프레로 모든 화살을 주위를 향해 돌리는 사람을 향해 건넬 수 있는 최선의 친절은 무엇일까?

For example, if a child grows up with parents for whom financial issues are the source of frequent drama and conflict, he or she may absorb the parent’s fear around money and develop a pain-body that is triggered whenever financial issues are involved. Behind the upset or anger lies issues of survival and intense fear.

흐음, 그렇군.

A friend arriving a few minutes late to pick them up at the airport or a spouse coming home late can trigger a major pain-body attack.

비정상적으로 화를 낼 때는 비정상적인 이유가 있기 마련. 

A woman who in childhood was physically abused by her father may find that her pain-body becomes easily activated in any close relationship with a man. Her pain-body may feel a magnetic pull to someone who it senses will give it more of the same pain. The pain is sometimes misinterpreted as falling in love.

인연이 아니라 악연.

When those triggers occur, you will immediately see them for what they are and enter a heightened state of alertness. “What you just said or did triggered my pain-body.” Have an agreement with your partner that whenever either of you says or does something that triggers the other person’s pain-body can no longer renew itself through drama in the relationship and instead of pulling you into unconsciousness, will help you become fully present. 

좌회전 받기 전에 좌회전 깜빡이 켜는 것과 같은 이치?

When the pain-body is activated, know that what you are feeling is the pain-body in you. This knowing is all that is needed to break your identification with it.

Pain-body를 어떻게 해석했을까 궁금해서 찾아보니 ‘고통체’로 번역을 해놓았다. 고통을 느끼는 몸. 고통이 새겨진 몸. 아픈 몸. 우리 모두는 조금씩 아프다. 더 아프고 덜 아프고 차이만 있을 뿐. 자신의 몸에 새겨진 고통을 직시하고 받아들이는 순간 고통으로부터 놓여나게 된다는 이치. 어디선가 많이 들은 것 같은 내용인데 새로운 경로를 통해 접근하니 의미가 더욱 절실하게 다가오는 것 같다. 보다 가벼운 삶에 더 가까이 다가가기 위한 한 발자국.

Ch.5: The Pain-body

The voice in the head has a life of its own. Most people are at the mercy of that voice; they are possessed by thought, by the mind. And since the mind is conditioned by the past, you are then forced to reenact the past again and again. 

하루 종일 끊이지 않는 머릿속 생각은 기실 잡생각인 경우가 대부분이다. 끊임없이 과거에서 연상되는 것들. 그걸 생각이라고 말할 수 있을까?

Most people are alienated from who they are. Alienation means you don’t feel at ease in any situation, any place, or with any person, not even with yourself.

Their contribution is to show us a reflection of the human predicament so that we can see it more clearly. To see one’s predicament clearly is a first step toward going beyond it.

훌륭한 문학작품을 읽는 것이 어떤 철학서보다 나은 혜안을 선사하는 이유다.

Emotion is the body’s reaction to your mind.

You don’t run your body. The intelligence does. It also is in charge of the organism’s responses to its environment.

우리 몸은 그렇게 똑똑하다.

An instinctive response is the body’s direct response to some external situation. An emotion, on the other hand, is the body’s response to a thought.

몸의 즉각적인 반응이 늘 신뢰할 만한 건 아니다. 감정은 생각의 결과, 생각에 대한 즉각적인 반응인 경우가 많으므로. 

Thought that trigger emotional responses in the body may sometimes come so fast that before the mind has had time to voice them, the body has already responded with an emotion, and the emotion has turned into a reaction. 

Those thoughts exist at a preverbal stage and could be called unspoken, unconscious assumption. They have their origin in a person’s past conditioning, usually from early childhood.

Unconscious assumptions create emotions in the body which in turn generate mind activity and/or instant reactions. In this way, they create your personal reality.

무의식이 우리 안에 자리잡게 된 기원을 살펴보는 것은 그래서 의미롭다. 무의식이 결국 우리가 경험하는 실제 세계를 형성하므로.

An emotion that does harm to the body also infects the people you come into contact with and indirectly, through a process of chain reaction, countless others you never meet. 

보이지 않는 감정은 우리를 둘러싼 세계에 영향을 미친다. 

We need to differentiate between positive emotions that are ego-generated and deeper emotions that emanate from your natural state of connectedness with Being.

건강에 좋다고 억지로 웃는 것과 마음에서 우러나 웃는 것은 다르다.

Positive emotions generated by the ego already contain within themselves their opposite into which they can quickly turn. What the ego calls love is possessiveness and addictive clinging that can turn into hate within a second. 

아무리 감언이설로 이야기해도 자신의 에고에서 출발한 이야기들은 상대방을 감동시킬 수 없다. 우리는 안다. 그가 사랑하는 것이 자신인지 아니면 상대방인지. 

In The Power of Now, I mentioned my observation that after two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times; thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened. Our duck’s lesson is this: Flap your wings - which translates as “let go of the story” - and return to the only place of power: the present moment.

동물들이 과거에 매어있지 않아서 행복한 거구나….

The past lives in you as memories, but memories in themselves are not a problem. In fact, it is through memory that we learn from the past and from past mistakes. It is only when memories, that is to say, thoughts about the past, take you over completely that they turn into a burden, turn problematic, and become part of your sense of self.

Your personality, which is conditioned by the past, then becomes your prison. Your memories are invested with a sense of self, and your story becomes who you perceive yourself to be. This “little me” is an illusion that obscures your true identity as timeless and formless Presence.

과거 자체가 아니라 과거에 대한 나의 생각이 지금의 현재에 머물지 못하게 만드는 원인. 

Most people carry a large amount of unnecessary baggage, but mental and emotional, throughout their lives.

나에겐 아직도 용서(?)하지 못한 사람들이 있고, 화해하지 못한 사람들을 여럿 떠나보냈다. 그들을 떠올릴 때마다 불편한 감정이 들고, 오랜 시간이 흐른 후에는 과연 잘잘못을 따지는 것이 무슨 의미가 있을까 싶기도 하다. 하지만 스스로 구원하지 못한 이들을 내가 무슨 수로 구원할 수 있을까 하는 마음에 그냥 한 발짝 뒤로 물러서는 것으로 상황을 모면하고자 할 뿐이다. 다시 만나게 된다면? 글쎄. 내가 얼마나 마음의 평정심을 가지고 그들을 대할 수 있을지 확신할 수 없다. 그들은 자신이 만든 마음의 감옥에서 나보다 더 큰 형벌로 고통 받은 듯한데 그렇다고 내가 그들을 긍휼히 여기는 것 또한 오만이 아닌가 하여. 

평생 누군가를 탓하고, 마음의 짐을 벗지 못한 채 생을 다한 누군가를 떠올리면 나는 과연 어떨까 돌아보게 된다. 오리가 한바탕 싸우고 난 뒤 날개를 퍼드득 거리는 것만으로 감정을 털어내는 것처럼, 강아지가 몸을 푸드득 터는 것으로 다시 현재로 오는 것처럼, 나도 그렇게 훌훌 털어버리고 가벼워질 수 있을까? 

나뭇잎처럼.

Due to a complete lack of self-awareness, they cannot tell the difference between an event and their reaction to the event.

실제 일어난 사건과 그것에 대한 반응을 구분하는 것!

Women are more in touch with the inner body and the intelligence of the organism where the intuitive faculties originate. The female form is less rigidly encapsulated than the male, has greater openness and sensitivity toward other life-forms, and is more attuned to the natural world.

여성의 pain-body 덕분에 더 깊은 수용성을 지니게 되었다는 것. 고통을 느낀 사람이 다른 사람의 고통에 대해서 더 이해도가 높은 것은 사실이다.

If the balance between male and female energies had not been destroyed on our planet, the ego’s growth would have been greatly curtailed. We would not have declared war on nature, and we would not be so completely alienated from our Being.

우리가 여성성을 잃어버리면서 겪게 된 것들. 작가가 매우 잘 포착하고 있다.

What is it that suddenly made men feel threatened by the female? The evolving ego in them. It knew it could gain full control of our planet only through the male form, and to do so, it had to render the female powerless.

이런 데서 <제2의 성>과 만난다. 초기 기독교, 수메르, 이집트, 켈틱에서는 여성성을 존중하고 두려워하지 않았다는 것까지.

But things are changing rapidly now. With many people becoming more conscious, the ego is losing its hold on the human mind. Because the ego was never as deeply rooted in woman, it is losing its hold on women more quickly than on men.

FOR WHAT YOU DO TO OTHERS, YOU DO TO YOURSELF.

뉴욕에 갔을 때, 사람들에게서 느껴지는 agony, pain-body의 정체가 궁금했다. 혹독한 노동환경, 능력위주의 사회문화, 누군가를 착취하면서 얻어낸 문명, 그리고 남에게 그렇게 했기 때문에 자신에게도 그렇게 대할 수밖에 없는 운명. 다른 사람에게 그렇게 대하면 결국 자신을 그렇게 대하는 일이 된다. 

Even if blame seems more than justified, as long as you blame others, you keep feeding the pain-body with your thoughts and remain trapped in your ego. With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves, and your true power emerges - the power of Presence. Instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light.

남탓을 하는 한 우리가 고통으로부터 벗어날 일은 없다.

제1권 사실과 신화 : 제3부 신화

History has shown that men have always held all the concrete powers.

True alterity is a consciousness separated from my own and identical to it.

Each one tries to accomplish itself by reducing the other to slavery.

갈 길이 멀어서 그냥 한글로 된 거만 읽으려고 했는데, 이런 문장들을 보면 영어본을 읽는 재미, 나아가 정말 그 문장에 담긴 의미를 생각하고 또 생각하지 않을 수 없어 더딘 길을 다시 택하게 된다. ㅜㅜ

The conflict can be overcome by the free recognition of each individual in the other, each one positing both itself and the other as object and as subject in a reciprocal movement.

내가 누군가에게 남이 되고, (내가 남을 남이라 여기듯이) 상호 주체가 되는 것을 인정하기란 얼마나 어려운가?

But friendship and generosity, which accomplish this recognition of freedoms concretely, are not easy virtues; they are undoubtedly man’s highest accomplishment.

그래서! 우정이나 관대함 같은 덕목이 위대한 가치를 가지는 이유겠죠?

This is where he is in his truth; but this truth is a struggle endlessly begun, endlessly abolished; it demands that man surpass himself at each instant. 

Put into other words, man attains an authentically moral attitude when he renounces being in order to assume his existence; through this conversation he also renounces all possession, because possession is a way of searching for being; 

But the conversation by which he attains true wisdom is never finished, it has to be made ceaselessly, it demands constant effort. So much so that, unable to accomplish himself in solitude, man is ceaselessly in jeopardy in his relations with his peers: his life is a difficult enterprise whose success is never assured.

이 한 문단만으로도 주옥같은 책이라는 생각이 든다. 

인간이 왜 끊임없이 타인과의 관계 속에서 도(?)를 실현해야 하는지 이렇게 분석적으로 예리하게 포착하는 글도 없는 것 같다.

Woman embodies positively the lack the existent carries in his heart, and man hopes to realize himself by finding himself through her.

이렇게 되면 여자(타자)는 보충재 또는 대상이 될 뿐, 온전한 목적성을 가진 존재로 존재할 수 없게 된다. 

Perhaps the myth of woman will be phased out one day: the more women assert themselves as human beings, the more the marvelous quality of Other dies in them. But today it still exists in the hearts of all men.

실체가 드러나는 만들어낸 순간 신화가 위협받게 되죠. 

The representation of the world as the world itself is the work of men; they describe it from a point of view that is their own and that they confound with the absolute truth.

세계를 표상하는 것은 남자이고, 그들이 그것을 절대적인 진리라고 착각하는 것은 그들의 자유인가?

It is always difficult to describe a myth; it does not lend itself to being grasped or defined; it haunts consciousness without ever being posited opposite them as a fixed object.

그래서 신화가 재밌는 거겠죠?

It has already been said that the Other is Evil; but as it is necessary for the Good, it reverts to the Good; through the Other, I accede to the Whole, but it separates me from the Whole; it is the door to infinity and the measure of my finitude.

타자의 존재가 이토록 중요하다. 

Man feminizes the ideal that he posits before him as the essential Other, because woman is the tangible figure of alterity; this is why almost all the allegories in language and in iconography are women.

흐음, 그렇군.

기독교 신화가 주류 신화가 되지 않았다면 어땠을까? 유발 하라리에 의하면 기독교라는 변방의 비교(비밀종교)가 주류 종교가 된 것은 우연에 의한 것인데, 이것을 확정하고 이유를 풀어내는 건 좀 시들한 구석이 있다. 이 즈음에서 <키르케>를 읽어봐야 할까. 

They did invent her.

But she also exists without their invention.

Man succeeded in enslaving woman, but in doing so, he robbed her of what made possession desirable. Integrated into the family and society, woman’s magic fades rather than transfigures itself; reduced to a servant’s condition, she is no longer the wild prey incarnating all of nature’s treasures.

These very dangers make woman captivating game for an adventurous man.

From the moment the woman is free, her only destiny is one she freely creates for herself.

He projects onto her what he desires and fears, what he loves and what he hates. And if it is difficult to say anything about her, it is because man seeks himself entirely in her and because she is All. But she is All in that which is inessential: she is wholly the Other. And as other she is also other than herself, other than what is expected of her. Being all, she is never exactly this that should be; she is everlasting disappointment, the very disappointment of existence that never successfully attains or reconciles itself with the totality of existents.

이런 문장을 쓸 수 있다는 게 참 놀랍다. 

(물론 영어로 쓰지 않았겠지만….)

Ch 4. Role-Playing: The Many Faces of the Ego

Any conceptual sense of self - seeing myself as this or that - is ego, whether predominantly positive (I am the greatest) or negative (I am no good). 

아무리 나를 객관적으로 본다한들 내가 어떤 사람인지 규정하는 순간 나는 그 상에 갇히게 된다. 지금 현재의 나만 있을 뿐. 반응하고, 반응하지 않는 나만 있을 뿐. 

Behind the confident ego’s feeling of an continuing need for superiority is the unconscious fear of inferiority. Conversely, the shy, inadequate ego that feels inferior has a strong hidden desire for superiority.

강하게 보이는 것도 결국 자기 방어기제의 작동인 경우가 많으니까.

Many people fluctuate between feelings of inferiority and superiority, depending on situations or the people they come into contact with.

그래서 나란 사람은 어떤 사람과 관계맺느냐에 따라서 전혀 다른 양상을 보이기도 한다. 그래서 누구와 관계맺느냐를 두고 신중하게 고민해야 하는 이유이기도. 나의 부정적인 면이 극대화되는 사람과 긍정적인 면이 극대화되는 사람. (근데 저자는 이런 자기중심적 시각으로 이야기를 풀지 않을 듯. 어떻게 태클 다운할지 궁금하다.)

What is commonly called “ falling in love” is in most cases and intensification of egoic wanting and needing. You become addicted to another person, or rather to your image of that person.

인간이 착각에 빠지는 동물이 아니라면 어떻게 사랑에 빠지겠는가!

In a class system, your function determined who you were in the eyes of others, as well as in your own eyes.

내가 목적이 아니라 수단인거죠.

In the modern world, more and more people are confused as to where they fit it, what their purpose is, and even who they are.

현대로 올수록 어디에 소속감을 느껴야 하는지 모르는 혼란이 가중되었으니까요.

When you fully accept that you don’t know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be. Defining yourself through thought is limiting yourself.

참 어려운 말이다. 생각으로 자신을 정의하지 않기란….

Authentic human interactons become impossible when you lose yourself in a role.

차장님, 부장님, 팀장님, 엄마, 아빠, 며느리, 여자, 남자, 학생, 군인, 작가, 예술가….

아무리 닉네임으로 불러도 우리의 역할, 지위, 위상에서 얼마나 자유로울 수 있는가.

If you are awake enough, aware enough, to be able to observe how you interact with other people, you may detect subtle changes in your speech, attitude, and behavior depending on the person you are interacting with.

이 책을 읽으면서 얻게 되는 장점이기도 한데, 문제는 그런 변화를 감지하고 의식하는 것도 ‘생각’을 통해서라는 것. 이것 또한 ‘판단’의 다른 형태는 아닐까?

AWARENESS IS THE GREATEST AGENT FOR CHANGE.

그렇다고 한다.

You have a mental image not only of who the other person is, but also of who you are, especially in relation to the person you are interacting with. You are not relating with that person at all, but who you think you are is relating to who you think the other person is and vice versa. 

내가 아니라 내가 만들어 낸 상과 관계하고 있다는 것. (이쯤에서 금강경을 다시 꺼내들지 않을 수가 없다…. 이놈의 가지치기는 끝이 없고…. )

The other person’s mind has probably done the same, so very egoic interaction between two people is in reality the interaction between for conceptual mind-made entities that are ultimately fictions. It is therefore not surprising there is so much conflict in relationships. There is no true relationship.

그래서 아무리 끝장토론을 해도 자신이 가진 상이 허상이라는 걸 받아들이기 전까지는 끝이 나지 않았던 거다.

What difference does their approval or disapproval truly make to who you are? All such unexamined assumptions cause a great deal of negative emotion, much unnecessary unhappiness.

누군가의 인정을 위해 그렇게 애쓸 필요가 없다.

Give them space - space to be.

사랑한다는 이유로 일해라, 절해라, 하기 쉽지만 정작 중요한 것 스스로 존재할 수 있도록 여지를 주는 것. 아름다운 말이다. Give them space, space to be.

A lot of suffering is caused by the ego, although eventually suffering destroys the ego - but not until you suffer consciously.

고통은 누구에게나 찾아오지만 고통을 의식적으로 깨닫지 않으면 계속 고통 속에 머물 수밖에 없다. 고통이 많았다는 건 그만큼 에고가 강했다는 뜻이지만 에고를 의식하는 순간 고통은 깨달을 수 있는 계기가 된다는 것.

THE FIRE OF SUFFERING BECOMES THE LIGHT OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

*^^*

Doing is never enough if you neglect Being.

The ego knows nothing of being but believes you will eventually be saved by doing. If you are in the grip of the ego, you believe that by doing more and more you will eventually accumulate enough “doings” to make yourself feel complete at some point in the future. You won’t. You will only lose yourself in doing. The entire civilization is losing itself in doing that is not rooted in Being and thus becomes futile.

‘노오력’하는 것으로 얻을 수 있는 것은 없다. 열심히 하다보면 언젠가 이뤄져있겠지, 하는 막연한 생각으로는 가닿을 수 없다. 어떻게 하면 더 열심히 할 수 있는가, 에 관한 이야기가 차고 넘친다. 새벽에 일어나거나 하루에 4시간만 일하거나 20분 일하고, 5분 쉬거나, 000하기 위한 00가지 방법들이 늘 인기다. 어떻게 하면 더 잘할 수 있을까. 하지만 잘하기 전에 존재하지 않으면 그런 노오력들은 채울 수 없는 허기처럼 헛되고 헛되다. 설령 원하는 단계에 이르렀다 하더라도 만족할 수 없고 또 다른 단계, 결코 채울 수 없는 목표를 향해 달리기만 하는 상태에 머물게 된다. 마지막 숨이 다하는 그 순간까지.

You are most powerful, most effective, when you are completely yourself.

내가 나와 하나가 될 때.

그렇다고 how to be myself, how can I be myself?처럼 be yourself 하기 위해 노력하진 말자. 그런 얕은 심리책들이 만족스럽지 않은 이유.

Just stop adding unnecessary baggage to who you already are.

Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others.

When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.

판단하고, 정의하고, 성급하게 내린 결론에 갇히지 않는 것.

The ego may be clever, but it is not intelligent. Cleverness pursues its own little aims. Intelligence sees the larger whole in which all things are connected. Cleverness is motivated by self-interest, and it is extremely short-sighted. Most politicians and business people are clever. Very few are intelligent. Whatever is attained through cleverness is short-lived and always turns out to be eventually self-defeating. Cleverness divides; intelligence unites.

가장 뼈때렸던 말.

Cleverness와 Intelligence는 그렇게 다르다. 

Life is the dancer, and you are the dance.

One with Life. Being one with life is being one with Now.

You then realize that you don’t live your life, but life lives you.

시 같다.

“One day I will be free of the ego.” Who is talking? The ego. To become free of the ego is not really a big job but a very small one. All you need to do is be aware of your thoughts and emotions - as they happen. This is not really a “doing,” but an alert “seeing.”

깨달음도 습관처럼 목표를 세우고 노력해서 달성할 거는 아니라는 거다.

노오력하기보다는 그저 바라보기.

전심전력하고 노오력하다보면 내 안의 어떤 부분을 소외시키기 마련이다. 

습관처럼 목적성을 강하게 두고 달성해야 하는 과제로 여기기보다

그저 가만히, 천천히, 바라보기.

The ego needs others, but its dilemma is that deep down it hates and fears them. The stronger the ego in you, the more likely it is that in your perception other people are the main source of problems in your life.

윽. 자꾸 훅 들어온다. 

남탓하는 버릇.

ANYBODY WHO IS ONE with what he or she does is building the new earth.

There is no such thing as “my life,” and I don’t have a life. I am life. I and life are one. 

아 그래서 A new earth구나…

암튼 넘 아름답다.