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I have trouble explaining to people who haven’t been onstage what it’s like to sense that current between your physical body and the bodies of other human beings in a space. The only metaphor that really works is electricity. You feelelectric. The energy runs out of you and into the crowd and then back into you in a loop. For such a long time, I’d had to be on autopilot: the only current I could access was whatever was inside of me that kept me moving.
Slowly, I began to believe in my capabilities again. For a while I didn’t tell anyone. I kept it a secret.
"Oh, your life was saved!" But no, not really. It’s the way you look at it. It’s perspective. My music was my life, and the conservatorship was deadly for that; it crushed my soul.