사자왕 형제가 있었다

책장을 휘리릭 넘기니 헌책방의 고유한 냄새가 난다.

낡고 아득하고 세월이 켜켜이 쌓인 냄새... 지난 세월의 색채가 먼지로 피어오르는 냄새...

누런 책장에 얼룩덜룩 알 수 없는 흔적들이 남아 있다.

오래된 활자체가 30년의 시간을 휙 불러낸다.

낡디 낡은 책을 버리지 못하고 껴안고 왔다.

아주 가끔 꺼내 보면서...

표지를 쓰다듬고 휘리릭 책장을 넘기는 게 다였지만,

말을 타고 있는 칼과 요나탄 형제가 그려진 표지 그림을 보는 것만으로도

허하던 가슴에 묵직하게 차오르는 게 있었다.

그게 무언지 곰곰 생각해본 적은 없으나 그 묵직함이 위안이 되어 준 것은 사실이었다.

따뜻하고 아름답지만 가슴 한 구석을 아리게 하는 묵직함이었다.

여리지만 단단한 손길로 어깨를 가만히 밀어주는,

그래서 겁나는 마음을 비겁함에 내어주지 않게 하는,

도망치지 않아 다행이라고 가만히 내뱉게 하는,

나 혼자 두렵고 떨리는 건 아니라고, 약하고 보잘 것 없지만 함께 발 내딛는 작은 용기들이 같이 있다고 말해주는, 그런 뭉클한 묵직함이 항상 위안이 되어 주었다.  

그렇게 이 책이 내 곁에 있었다.

내 곁에, 내 책장 안 깊숙히 사자왕 형제가 있었다. 

1월의 도서관

2016년에는 집 가까이에 있는 도서관을 자주 찾기로 했다.

관심을 두고 보관함에 장바구니에 잔뜩 재어 놓은 책들을 도서관에서 살펴보고 읽으니 좋다.

실제 들여다 보니 굳이 내 서재에 들여놓지 않아도 좋겠다는 생각이 드는 책들,

한 번 읽었으면 됐다는 생각이 드는 책들,

이 책은 꼭 사서 책꽂이에 꽂아 놓고 두고두고 또 읽어야겠다 싶은 책들이 정리가 된다.

구입해서 쌓아놓는 책들이 줄어든 것 같지는 않지만

괜히 샀다 싶은 책들은 줄지 않았나 싶은 기분...은 그냥 기분일 뿐인가?

자주 가지는 않았지만 1월에 도서관을 통해 만난 책들을 정리해 놓는다.

일상 속에 흩어져 반짝이는 보석들을 만났다고 할까.

자신의 자리에서 단단한 생각과 풍부한 감성으로 삶의 자리를 생명력 넘치게 가꾸어 가는 사람들을 만났다.

내게 주어진 시간과 공간, 관계 속에서 내 삶은 어떤 모습으로 빚어내야 할까, 올해의 큰 과제 아니 삶의 큰 과제를 다시 확인한 기분이다.

시골에 가고 싶어, 시골살이 하고 싶다고, 시골 좋잖아...

떼쓰고 조르고 매달려 아내의 허락을 받아낸 만화가 남편이 시골살이를 하면서 몸으로 깨닫고 느낀 시골살이를 그려낸 책.

시골이 좋다고? 개뿔! 꿈이랑 현실은 다른 거라고. 봐라, 여기도 사람 사는 곳이고, 이렇게 생각이 다른 다양한 사람과 뜻대로 안 되는 자연과 어울려 살아야 하는 곳이라고...

제목부터가 투덜투덜하는 것 같지만 투덜대면서도 흉보면서도 생각과 현실, 토박이와 뜨내기, 세대 차의 생각 들이 부딪히는 지점과 갈등 등을 유머러스하고 따뜻하게 그려내는 시골살이 초짜의 좌충우돌 적응기.

전도유망한(?) 대학원 박사 과정을 때려치우고 소설을 쓰고 문학상을 받고 본격적인 느슨느슨 유유자적한 작가의 삶을 살아온 글쓴이의 이런저런 이야기들이 잘 묶여 있다.

느슨한 삶으로 잘 이끌어 준 여자친구이자 아내와의 이야기, 기타를 배우고 피아노를 배우고 작곡을 하고 두려움을 떨치고 새로운 배움의 길을 어슬렁거리는 이야기, 잘 계획되고 준비되어야만 하던 여행이 점차 느슨해지고 편안해져 가는 이야기, 그리고 삶의 여기저기 흩어져 있는 여러 관계와 만남과 사건들.

그가 보여 주는 삶의 모습이 느슨하고 어슬렁거리는 삶도 이렇게 다채로운 맛이 나고 살만하다고 이야기해 준다.

그 외 읽은 책들

천 개의 바람이 되어

천 개의 바람이 되어 

                             임형주

나의 사진 앞에서 울지 마요
나는 그곳에 없어요
나는 잠들어 있지 않아요
제발 날 위해 울지 말아요
나는 천개의 바람
천개의 바람이 되었죠
저 넓은 하늘 위를
자유롭게 날고 있죠

가을엔 곡식들을 비추는
따사로운 빛이 될게요
겨울엔 다이아몬드처럼
반짝이는 눈이 될게요
아침엔 종달새 되어
잠든 당신을 깨워 줄게요
밤에는 어둠 속에 별 되어
당신을 지켜 줄게요

나의 사진 앞에 서 있는 그대
제발 눈물을 멈춰요
나는 그곳에 있지 않아요
죽었다고 생각 말아요
나는 천개의 바람
천개의 바람이 되었죠
저 넓은 하늘 위를
자유롭게 날고 있죠
나는 천개의 바람
천개의 바람이 되었죠
저 넓은 하늘 위를
자유롭게 날고 있죠
저 넓은 하늘 위를
자유롭게 날고 있죠
 

그는 천 개의 바람이 되어 불고 또 불거다. 우리의 귓가를 스치다가, 머리를 흩트리다가, 때로는 무섭게 휘몰아 온 몸을 휘청거리게 만들지도 모른다. 결코 그냥 잠들어 있지 않을 테니까... 자유롭게 하늘 위를, 우리 모두의 주위를 날고 있을 테니까... 바람이 되어 우리를 깨우고 깨우고 깨울 테니까... 그게, 그의 죽음의 의미일 테니까...

스티브 잡스의 스탠포드 졸업식 축사

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world.

Truth be told, I never graduated from college. This is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit.

So, why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.

She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me!
to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife.

Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl.

So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking:

"We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?"

They said, "Of course."

My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.

She refused to sign the final adoption papers.

She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college.

But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford,
and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition.

After six months, I couldn't see the value in it.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out.

And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life.

So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK.

It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me,
and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms,

I returned coke bottles for the 5￠ deposits to buy food with,
and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple.

I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.

Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country.

Throughout the campus, every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed.

Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes,

I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this.

I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great.

It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.

But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me.

And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography.

If I had never dropped in on that single course in college,
the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts.

And since Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer would have them.

If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class,
and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.

But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.

So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky I found what I loved to do early in life.

Woz and I started Apple in my parents’ garage when I was 20.

We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees.

We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired.

How can you get fired from a company you started?

Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me,
and for the first year or so things went well.

But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out.

When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.

What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months.

I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me.

I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly.

I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley.

But something slowly began to dawn on me.

I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit.

I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.

It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife.

Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance.

And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple.

It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.

I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.

You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life,
and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.

(And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.

If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.

And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.

So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like:

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."

It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years! ,

I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself:

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?"

And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most import!ant tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

Because almost everything?

all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -
these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly import!ant.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.

I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas.

I didn't even know what a pancreas was.

The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months.

My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die.

It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months.

It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family.

It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day.

Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat,
through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor.

I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope
the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery.

I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades.

Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there.
And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it.

And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.

It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.

Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.

Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.

Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most import!antly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. 

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called, “The Whole Earth Catalog,” which was one of the bibles of my generation.

It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch.

This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras.

It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along:
it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of “The Whole Earth Catalog,” and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue.

It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age.

On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road,
the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. 
 
Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." 

It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. 
 
And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. 

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. 

Thank you all very much. 

 

(This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.)

시간을 달리는 소녀

파란 하늘의 뭉게구름이 멋있다.

http://mbox.paran.com/mbox/channel.media.view.do?ch_no=47575&media_no=234101&view=media