[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

Infantile love follows the principle: "I lovebecause I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I amloved because I love."Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." - P38

The relationship to father is quite different. Mother is thehome we come from, she is nature, soil, the ocean; father doesnot represent any such natural home. He has little connectionwith the child in the first years of its life, and his importancefor the child in this early period cannot be compared with thatof mother. But while father does not represent the naturalworld, he represents the other pole of human existence; theworld of thought, of man-made things, of law and order, ofdiscipline, of travel and adventure. Father is the one whoteaches the child, who shows him the road into the world. - P39

Fatherly love is conditional love. Its principleis "I love you because you fulfill my expectations, because youdo your duty, because you are like me." In conditional fatherlylove we find, as with unconditional motherly love, a negativeand a positive aspect. - P40

Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it isan attitude, an orientation of character which determines therelatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not towardone "object" of love. - P43

tion. Honey symbolizes the sweetness of life, the love for itand the happiness in being alive. Most mothers are capable ofgiving "milk," but only a minority of giving "honey" too. Inorder to be able to give honey, a mother must not only be a
"good mother," but a happy person and this aim is notachieved by many. - P46

Only the really loving woman, the woman who is hap-pier in giving than in taking, who is firmly rooted in her ownexistence, can be a loving mother when the child is in theprocess of separation. - P48

[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

Man-of all ages and cultures—is confronted with thesolution of one and the same question: the question of how toovercome separateness, how to achieve union, how to transcend one‘s own individual life and find at-onement. - P9

All forms of orgiastic union have three characteristics:they are intense, even violent; they occur in the total personal-ity, mind and body; they are transitory and periodical. Exactlythe opposite holds true for that form of union which is byfar the most frequent solution chosen by man in the past andin the present: the union based on conformity with the group, its customs, practices and beliefs. Here again we find a consid-erable development. - P12

This increasing tendency for the elimination of differencesis closely related to the concept and the experience of equality,
as it is developing in the most advanced industrial societies. - P13

In contemporary capitalistic society the meaning of equal-ity has beentransformed. By equality one refers to the equalityof automatons; of men who have lost their individuality.
Equality today means "sameness," rather than "oneness." - P14

Hence, they are only partial answers to the problem of existence. Thefull answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, offusion with another person, in love. - P17

In contrast to symbiotic union, mature love is union underthe condition of preserving one‘s integrity, one‘s individuality.
Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks throughthe walls which separate man from his fellow men, which uniteshim with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isola-tion and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, toretain his integrity. In love the paradox occurs that two beingsbecome one and yet remain two. - P19

[마이리뷰] 사랑의 기술

사랑의 기술 - 출간 50주년 기념판
에리히 프롬 지음, 황문수 옮김 / 문예출판사 / 2006년 10월

최초의 조치는 삶이 기술인 것과 마찬가지로 사랑도 기술‘ 이라는것을 깨닫는 것이다. 어떻게 사랑해야 하는가를 배우고 싶다면 우리는 다른 기술, 예컨대 음악이나 그림이나 건축, 또는 의학이나 공학의 기술을배우려고 할 때 거쳐야 하는 것과 동일한 과정을 거치지 않으면 안 된다. - P17

공서적 합일과는 대조적으로 성숙한 ‘사랑‘은 자신의 통합성‘, 곧개성을 유지하는 상태에 있어서의 합일‘ 이다. 사랑은 인간에 있어서 능동적인 힘이다. 곧 인간을 동료로부터 분리시키는 벽을 허물어 버리는힘, 인간을 타인과 결합시키는 힘이다. 사랑은 인간으로 하여금 고립감과 분리감을 극복하게 하면서도 각자에게 각자의 특성을 허용하고 자신의 통합성을 유지시킨다. 사랑에 있어서는 두 존재가 하나로 되면서도의 을 에둘로 남아 있다는 역설이 성립된다. - P38

보호, 책임, 존경, 지식은 서로 의존하고 있다. 보호, 책임, 존경, 지식은 성숙한 인간, 곧 자신의 힘을 생산적으로 발휘하고 스스로 일한 결과만을 차지하려고 하고 전지전능이라는 자아도취적 꿈을 포기하고 오직 순수한 생산적 활동에 의해서만 획득할 수 있는 내적 힘에 바탕을 둔겸손을 터득한 사람에게서만 찾아볼 수 있는 일련의 태도이다. - P52

두 사람이 서로 그들의 실존의 핵심으로부터 사귈 때, 그러므로 그들이 각기 자신의 실존의 핵심으로부터 자기 자신을 경험할 때 비로소 사랑은 가능하다. 오직 이러한 핵심적 경험‘에만 인간의 현실이 있고 오직여기에만 생기가 있고 오직 여기에만 사랑의 기반이 있다. 사랑은 이와같이 경험될 때에만 끊임없는 도전이다. 사랑은 휴식처가 아니라 함께움직이고 성장하고 일하는 것이다. - P137

자기 자신이 기술훈련의 도구가 되어야 한다.
(사랑의 기술에 대해서는 이 말은, 이 기술분야에 명장이 되려는 야망을 가진 사람은 누구든지 생활의 모든 국면을 통해 훈련, 정신 집중, 인내를 실행 하는 것으로부터 시작해야 한다는 의미이다. - P147

[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

The first step to take is to become aware that love is anart, just as living is an art; if we want to learn how to love wemust proceed in the same way we have to proceed if we wantto learn any other art, say music, painting, carpentry, or theart of medicine or engineering. - P5

In the shadow of Naziism, Fromm wrote about authoritariangovernments and their tendency to produce sadists. Much ear-lier than Freud, Fromm saw the potential for disaster in Europe.
At the invitation of the feminist psychoanalyst Karen Horney, Fromm visited the United States in 1933 and then emigrated.
Though never uncritical, he embraced his new country; by the1940s, Fromm was writing in English.

Fromm was popular precisely because, in an age of ideolo-gies, he was not an ideologue. He took what he needed andenthusiastically-from Judaism, Marxism, psychoanalysis, and,
later, Taoism and Zen Buddhism, but Fromm was finally ahumanist. He worked at the task conscientiously. For the wholeof his life, he devoted his mornings to activities that could notmake money—to study and quiet thought. Late in life, he sup-plemented contemplation with political action, taking a leader-ship role in antinuclear and antiwar movements.

For Fromm, love is rebellion against a commercial ideal. Hehas particular contempt for glossy magazine articles in whichhappy marriage looks like corporate middle management. The
"smoothly functioning team," he writes "is the well-oiled rela-tionship between two persons who remain strangers all theirlives." Even love as a "haven from aloneness" is bound to fail. Tolove at all is to be engaged with humankind, with eyes open. "Ifsomeone would want to reserve his objectivity for the belovedperson, and think he can dispense with it in his relationship tothe rest of the world, he will soon discover that he fails both hereand there."

[마이리뷰] 아주 편안한 죽음

아주 편안한 죽음 ㅣ 을유세계문학전집 111
시몬 드 보부아르 지음, 강초롱 옮김 / 을유문화사 / 2021년 4월

엄마는 유년 시절 내내 규범과 금기라는 갑옷을 두른 채 몸과 마음, 정신을 억압당했다. 그리고 스스로를 끈으로 옭아매도록 교육받았다. 그런 엄마의 내면에는끓어오르는 피와 불같은 정열을 지닌 한 여인이 살아 숨 쉬고 있었다. 그러나 그 여인은 뒤틀리고 훼손된 끝에 자기 자신에게조차 낯선 존재가 되어 버린 모습이었다. - P58