[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

This tendency coincides with a generalattitude characteristic of modern man. He lives in the past orin the future, but not in the present. - P93

Another form of projection is the projection of one‘s ownproblems on the children. First of all such projection takesplace not infrequently in the wish for children. In such casesthe wish for children is primarily determined by projectingone‘s own problem of existence on that of the children. Whena person feels that he has not been able to make sense of hisown life, he tries to make sense of it in terms of the life of hischildren. But one is bound to fail within oneself and for thechildren. - P94

Love is possible only if two persons communicate witheach other from the center of their existence, hence if each oneof them experiences himself from the center of his existence.
Only in this "central experience" is human reality, only here is - P95

aliveness, only here is the basis for love. Love, experiencedthus, is a constant challenge; it is not a resting place, but amoving, growing, working together; even whether there is har-mony or conflict, joy or sadness, is secondary to the fundamen-tal fact that two people experience themselves from the essenceof their existence, that they are one with each other by beingone with themselves, rather than by fleeing from themselves.
There is only one proof for the presence of love: the depth ofthe relationship, and the aliveness and strength in each personconcerned; this is the fruit by which love is recognized. - P96

I can refer to statements made in a previouspart of this book. Modern man has transformed himself into acommodity; he experiences his life energy as an investmentwith which he should make the highest profit, considering hisposition and the situation on the personality market. He isalienated from himself, from his fellow men and from nature. - P97

[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

If one haschance to study the effect of a mother with genuine self-love,
one can see that there is nothing more conducive to giving achild the experience of what love, joy and happiness are thanbeing loved by a mother who loves herself.

These ideas on self-love cannot be summarized betterthan by quoting Meister Eckhart on this topic: "If you loveyourself, you love everybody else as you do yourself. As longas you love another person less than you love yourself, you willnot really succeed in loving yourself, but if you love all alike,
including yourself, you will love them as one person and thatperson is both God and man. Thus he is a great and righteousperson who, loving himself, loves all others equally."15 - P58

[마이리뷰] 사랑의 기술

사랑의 기술 - 출간 50주년 기념판
에리히 프롬 지음, 황문수 옮김 / 문예출판사 / 2006년 10월

자기애에 대한 이러한 사상은 마이스터 에크하르트의 이 문제에 대한 다음과 같은 말에 가장 잘 요약되어 있다. "만일 그대가 그대 자신을사랑한다면, 그대는 모든 사람들을 그대 자신을 사랑하듯 사랑할 것이다. 그대가 그대 자신보다도 다른 사람을 더 사랑하는 한, 그대는 정녕 그대 자신을 사랑하지 못할 것이다. 그러나 그대 자신을 포함해서 모든 사람을 똑같이 사랑한다면, 그대는 그들을 한 인간으로 사랑할 것이고 이사람은 신인 동시에 인간이다. 따라서 그는 자기 자신을 사랑하면서 다른 모든 사람들도 마찬가지로 사랑하는 위대하고 올바른 사람이다. - P89

[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

Infantile love follows the principle: "I lovebecause I am loved." Mature love follows the principle: "I amloved because I love."Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." - P38

The relationship to father is quite different. Mother is thehome we come from, she is nature, soil, the ocean; father doesnot represent any such natural home. He has little connectionwith the child in the first years of its life, and his importancefor the child in this early period cannot be compared with thatof mother. But while father does not represent the naturalworld, he represents the other pole of human existence; theworld of thought, of man-made things, of law and order, ofdiscipline, of travel and adventure. Father is the one whoteaches the child, who shows him the road into the world. - P39

Fatherly love is conditional love. Its principleis "I love you because you fulfill my expectations, because youdo your duty, because you are like me." In conditional fatherlylove we find, as with unconditional motherly love, a negativeand a positive aspect. - P40

Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it isan attitude, an orientation of character which determines therelatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not towardone "object" of love. - P43

tion. Honey symbolizes the sweetness of life, the love for itand the happiness in being alive. Most mothers are capable ofgiving "milk," but only a minority of giving "honey" too. Inorder to be able to give honey, a mother must not only be a
"good mother," but a happy person and this aim is notachieved by many. - P46

Only the really loving woman, the woman who is hap-pier in giving than in taking, who is firmly rooted in her ownexistence, can be a loving mother when the child is in theprocess of separation. - P48

[마이리뷰] The Art of Loving

The Art of Loving (Paperback) - 『사랑의 기술』영문판
에리히 프롬 지음 / HarperPerennial / 2006년 11월

Man-of all ages and cultures—is confronted with thesolution of one and the same question: the question of how toovercome separateness, how to achieve union, how to transcend one‘s own individual life and find at-onement. - P9

All forms of orgiastic union have three characteristics:they are intense, even violent; they occur in the total personal-ity, mind and body; they are transitory and periodical. Exactlythe opposite holds true for that form of union which is byfar the most frequent solution chosen by man in the past andin the present: the union based on conformity with the group, its customs, practices and beliefs. Here again we find a consid-erable development. - P12

This increasing tendency for the elimination of differencesis closely related to the concept and the experience of equality,
as it is developing in the most advanced industrial societies. - P13

In contemporary capitalistic society the meaning of equal-ity has beentransformed. By equality one refers to the equalityof automatons; of men who have lost their individuality.
Equality today means "sameness," rather than "oneness." - P14

Hence, they are only partial answers to the problem of existence. Thefull answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, offusion with another person, in love. - P17

In contrast to symbiotic union, mature love is union underthe condition of preserving one‘s integrity, one‘s individuality.
Love is an active power in man; a power which breaks throughthe walls which separate man from his fellow men, which uniteshim with others; love makes him overcome the sense of isola-tion and separateness, yet it permits him to be himself, toretain his integrity. In love the paradox occurs that two beingsbecome one and yet remain two. - P19