I find it difficult to get along with those different from me.
My friends and family have given me the same feedbackover the years: I just need to chill out and live withdisappointment, which sounds like lowering my standards.
However, my tolerance remains pretty low, and I have a hardtime with my friends who say I am too harsh. But the moreI read the Bible, the more I see that God calls me to love andembrace others. Is it wrong of me to give honest feedback tomy friends when they hurt or disappoint me?
Dear Reader,
Whether we are managing employees, teaching children, or relating with afriend, providing constructive feedback to the people we care about is a skill allof us need to work on. Consider a scenario where your friend asks you, "Doesthis shirt make me look fat?" If he is asking this question with several shirts onhangers laid out on his bed, he is asking for honest, evidence-based feedbackbecause he trusts your fashion sense. However, if he has already gotten dressedand is on his way out the door, he is really asking, "Can you encourage me sothat I can carry myself with confidence?" Discerning whether a person is will-ing to make changes can help us determine whether we should give objectivefeedback, loving affirmation, or something in between.
Your friends might call you harsh because you offer critical feedback when allthey want is your affirmation. When a person does not want or expect yourhonest opinion, giving it is often unhelpful and may be unloving. If you aremore generous with affirmation and encouragement, your friends may takethe initiative. to ask you for constructive criticism when they need it. Criticalfeedback can be veryvaluable, but only when the recipient believes it is givenby someone who is supportive and committed to their good.
ing you critical feed-