But he‘s gota point, I should feel guilty. Not because they would have given me the part or because I would have been good: they wouldn‘t and I wouldn‘t. If I do feel guilty,
I guess it‘s because I let him go on dreaming when I wasn‘t dreaming a bit. I was just vamping for time to make a few self-improvements: I knew damn well I‘d never be a movie star. It‘s too hard; and if you‘re intelligent, it‘s too embarrassing. My complexes aren‘t inferior enough: being a movie star and having a big fat ego are supposed to go hand-in-hand; actually, it‘s essential not to have any ego at all. I don‘t mean I‘d mind being rich and famous. That‘s very much on my schedule, and some day I‘ll try to get around to it; but if it happens, I‘d like to have my ego tagging along. I want to still be me when I wake up one fine morning and have breakfast at Tiffany‘s. - P45