평생 시를 쓰는 일에 종사하면서 얻은 것은 병이고 잃은 것은 나다.
이 말은 어떤 직업에다 대고 해도 맞다... (95)

저의 가장 가운데에는 당신만이 있어요. 당신은 나를 지배하지요. 그렇다고 당신이 나를 억압하는 건 아니에요. 그렇다고 당신이 나를 사랑하는 건 아니에요. (104)


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沉默研究


       当我们在课上评价一个人的时候, 我没说很多话。不是因为我藏在什么。也不是因为我心软。那只是因为我没有意见。 人们通常内里空虚的时候保持沉默, 但我们敬佩他们的冷静。多么天真依我看, 沉默是话语的准备时间, 休息时间, 傻瓜保全体面的时间。

       难道我的想法太激烈吗?其实都是我对自己的所作所为的斥责和反省。我的沉默就是如此。但是,世界上存在着多种类的沉默。有些沉默要求魄力。沉默是坚守自己信念的坚定意志, 也是不会被一时冲动所折服的慎重决心。举一个活生生的例子, 许多被抓的民主改者在法西斯分子的审讯—对放弃的威胁—面前保持沉默。相反, 自私自利的叛徒在那种情况下把话语用作卑怯的手段。在偏激的情况下, 话语不仅能会是紧急出口而且是安身之地。当然,很难认为他们与我放在同一行, 因为他们是伟人,我是普通人。但或许我之所以保持沉默, 也是因为内心的坚强信条吧? 我承认我无法评价任何人. 因此,我谁都不会评价, 早就向自己承诺过。 那么, 我不是真的没有意见, 而是将这种信念内在化了吗?

       最后我才看上去毫无想法。甚至对我自己。

      沉默有贫困和富饶并存的矛盾。 这种沉默的特性常常伴随着代价。


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His brilliant career had only begun. If loneliness was the price he had to pay, so be it. He didn‘t belong in the ordinary world, anyway (116).


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Robin and I say goodbye with hideous brightness, and I cry all the way back to the station (47).

Robin mentions that he has invited "a boy" to come and stay for a week. I ask, is he very nice and a great friend of yours? Oh no, says Robin, he is one of the most unpopular boys in the school. And after a moment he adds, That‘s why. Am touched, and think that this denotes a generous spirit, but am also undeniably rather apprehensive as to possible characteristics of future guest (93).


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...that he could be heard putting his full weight on the bed, so that the bed creaked, producing a long yawn, stretching out, and finally snoring the sleep of the innocent, as they say. Mr. Goliadkin was neither dead nor alive (102).

Suicide that I am! (102)


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